Jacob and Aurora have been happily married for 5 years, until a recent change in circumstance . Jacob is a pharmaceutical rep, spends a lot of time traveling , he spends 4 days a week on the road traveling and the rest working from home. Aurora is a teacher at the local elementary school. In the past year Aurora has been diagnosed Mutiple Sclerosis. The couple is now focused on doctor appointments and handling Aurora’s illness. They
have stopped openly communicating with each other . They no longer feel comfortable and at ease with each other.
Jacob has come to resent the fact that he has to take care of Aurora. That the realtionship has become care-taker - patient relationship. He dreads coming home and spends more time traveling for his job. He also finds himself interested in other women. He is contaplating having an affair with one of his co-workers. Aurora has become depressed since her diagnoses and because of recent deterioration of her marriage. She has tried to discuss the problems with Jacob and the possibly of seeing a marriage counselor but he refuse to accept there is a change in their relationship.
The relationship lacks the proper balance between the two individuals. This relates to the equity theory. It use the basic element of the social exchange theory to make the hypothesis that, “ people are happiest where the give and take are equal. “ ( Equity) In this case you can see that the give and take are not equal. This is causing the relationship to crumble.
The social exchange theory is based on relationships that use rewards and cost to measure whether the benefits of the relationship outweighs the costs. The development of Aurora's illness changed the foundation of the relationship. The couple is no longer getting what they need from each other.
1) What information can you use from the social exchange theory to make a suggestion on how to improve the situation for Jacob and Aurora?
2) Can you use social exchange theory as a guideline in
personal and professional relationships?
3) Why do feel that it is important to have a balance relationship?
4) Is there more to a relationships than measuring what is being given and what is being taken?
Monday, December 1, 2008
Thursday, November 20, 2008
A bond the holds us over time
“ The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.” by
~Erma Bombeck
Family can be described as pieces to a puzzle, they are differently shaped around the edges , but fit together to make a complete picture. We are very different individuals there is a bond that connect us, that defines as a person. My family is unique , a few of its members are not connected to me by sharing DNA or blood but we have a deep bond that we share that has made us a family. This process can also be describe as having formed voluntary, members. “This is non-biological relationships that can fulfill family roles.” ( Interpersonal pg 290)
Jen is the oldest and she is six months older than me and Robin is nine months younger than me and Kate is three years younger. We are like sibling , we know all the stories, we have laughed together, comforted each other and shared our of life experience with each other. We are similar to puzzle pieces because we have a role to play in the bigger picture. Robin is the logical one, she always has a plan of action. She is bluntly honest and never holds back what she thinks. She probably the most athletic and she is the only who can really cook. I know if we were every got caught in a natural disaster she would figure out what we do and take us all to safety. Robin is someone you can talk to about many diverse subjects from current events to fashion . Robin and I are both very head strong and we argue the most out of the group. We been this way since childhood and an over time it has lessen to be not as much. Jen is funny and smart and a good listener. She is the kind person you can be silly with and she makes you laugh. You can
count on her to be there though difficult situation , helping you through. She the one who tries to
keep the peace and point out both sides when there is an argument. She also the most girly of the group and takes the longest to get ready. ( Once it was two hours we waited before we left the house.) Jen is the someone I always in contact with and talk to a lot throughout the week.
Kate is funny, energetic , stubborn, impulsive, inhibited. She very artistic and multi talented.( She my biological sibling) Kate is fearless she doesn’t let anything hold her back from taking chances. We are have a very close relationship, we are open and honest with each other no matter what. She is the baby of the group and is everyone looks after her . She doesn’t fight as much with everyone else because of the mentality that she is the youngest. The roles we play has to with content exceptions. “This focuses on how the relationship is defined by each role each partner plays.” ( Interpersonal pg 291) I gave an example of this by talking each of our roles in the family and how we interact with each other.
We communicate similar to the Walkers from the the tv show “ Brother& Sisters.” If one of us know something about the other it’s not long before everyone knows. There a scene from that from Brother & Sister where Kevin is one the phone with Sarah and Robert walks in the room.
(Robert is Kitty’s husband and Kevin and Sarah are Kitty’s siblings) and they began to discusses how they are worried about Kitty. Then Sarah calls Tommy and that leads other members to being call and suddenly everyone is discussing how what is wrong with Kitty and how to cheer Kitty up. This happens a lot in my family, we have very little secrets. I cant tell if that is because we are very close or that we don’t know how to disclose anything.
~Erma Bombeck
Family can be described as pieces to a puzzle, they are differently shaped around the edges , but fit together to make a complete picture. We are very different individuals there is a bond that connect us, that defines as a person. My family is unique , a few of its members are not connected to me by sharing DNA or blood but we have a deep bond that we share that has made us a family. This process can also be describe as having formed voluntary, members. “This is non-biological relationships that can fulfill family roles.” ( Interpersonal pg 290)
Jen is the oldest and she is six months older than me and Robin is nine months younger than me and Kate is three years younger. We are like sibling , we know all the stories, we have laughed together, comforted each other and shared our of life experience with each other. We are similar to puzzle pieces because we have a role to play in the bigger picture. Robin is the logical one, she always has a plan of action. She is bluntly honest and never holds back what she thinks. She probably the most athletic and she is the only who can really cook. I know if we were every got caught in a natural disaster she would figure out what we do and take us all to safety. Robin is someone you can talk to about many diverse subjects from current events to fashion . Robin and I are both very head strong and we argue the most out of the group. We been this way since childhood and an over time it has lessen to be not as much. Jen is funny and smart and a good listener. She is the kind person you can be silly with and she makes you laugh. You can
count on her to be there though difficult situation , helping you through. She the one who tries to
keep the peace and point out both sides when there is an argument. She also the most girly of the group and takes the longest to get ready. ( Once it was two hours we waited before we left the house.) Jen is the someone I always in contact with and talk to a lot throughout the week.
Kate is funny, energetic , stubborn, impulsive, inhibited. She very artistic and multi talented.( She my biological sibling) Kate is fearless she doesn’t let anything hold her back from taking chances. We are have a very close relationship, we are open and honest with each other no matter what. She is the baby of the group and is everyone looks after her . She doesn’t fight as much with everyone else because of the mentality that she is the youngest. The roles we play has to with content exceptions. “This focuses on how the relationship is defined by each role each partner plays.” ( Interpersonal pg 291) I gave an example of this by talking each of our roles in the family and how we interact with each other.
We communicate similar to the Walkers from the the tv show “ Brother& Sisters.” If one of us know something about the other it’s not long before everyone knows. There a scene from that from Brother & Sister where Kevin is one the phone with Sarah and Robert walks in the room.
(Robert is Kitty’s husband and Kevin and Sarah are Kitty’s siblings) and they began to discusses how they are worried about Kitty. Then Sarah calls Tommy and that leads other members to being call and suddenly everyone is discussing how what is wrong with Kitty and how to cheer Kitty up. This happens a lot in my family, we have very little secrets. I cant tell if that is because we are very close or that we don’t know how to disclose anything.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Loss and Gains
" We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations." By Anais Nin
Though every experience there is always a choice to be made. You make a decisions on how you face every challenge, the future career you will have or what you are going to wear today. We make these choices because of our wants, our needs and how this might be best for us. We are constantly faced with difficult decisions. We try to make the best choice in every challenge we are faced with.
I recently had to make a difficult decision about childhood friendship. The relationship was no longer a healthy friendship. I held on for a long time thinking that we could regain what we loss along the way. We became different people and I realized that it was time to stop avoiding it and discuss it. There is a quote by Winston Churchill , “ Truth is incontrovertible, malice may attack it and ignorance may deride it, but, in the end, there it is.” I think after we sat down and talked ,that we reached the conclusion that it was time to say goodbye.
There is this scene in a television show, “My So- Called Life, where Angela and Rayanne recently ended their friendship. They are at play practice for “ Our Town, and in the scene they are practicing the main character has died and she realized how precious every moment is and how she took what she had for granted. In this scene Rayanne and Angela are using the play’s dialogue to say goodbye to their friendship. I can relate to how difficult and painful the situation is when you have to say goodbye I think the scene uses indirect communication to get the point across. There is nothing being directly said about Rayanne and Angela relationship. The lines in the play they are practicing are making an indirect perceptive on their relationship. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Lz65pr4_qo)
Twenty-one percent of friendships that have ended was because , you or your friend has changed.( Interpersonal pg,239) When I had this conversation with my friend I used the direct method of communication to end the friendship. It makes your intent obvious about where the communication is leading. Our discussion was open and honest about
our feelings and thoughts regarding our friendship. ( Interpersonal pg, 240) I think that ending any kind of relationship is difficult and I feel that the best approach is the be direct. Some relationship end because we want or need different things or your lives are going in different directions. I ended my friendship because we were not getting what we need from the other. We are constantly taking inventory of our relationship, thinking how we can better the relationship and our communication within that relationship.
In the book,” That was Then this is Now,” by S.E. Hinton is about two foster brothers who are growing up and growing apart . The book discuss how the two boys are making decisions that are pulling them in different directions. The book discusses how the choices we make can separate a relationship. In the book Mark is selling drugs and Bryon morally objects to what he is doing. There is no middle ground for them to reach agreement on, they start to drift apart. They don’t know how to come back to being friends after the change in their relationship has taken place. I think I understand how you can reach a point in your relationship where you are not connecting on the same level anymore. The friendship you had changed and you have reached a point where you cant go back to what once was. This is when you know that terminating the friendship is the best choice.
There are stages you experience that lead up to knowing that the relationship isn’t working. One of the stage is circumscribing which is where the communication is restricted, constrained. The people in the relationship choose to only discuss safe topics, that wont lead into an argument. The next stage is stagnating is where the people in the relationship are going through the motions. The communication has reached a standstill. The next stage is avoiding where people in the relationship will avoid talking to each other or spending time together. The last stage is the termination stage, which marks the end of the relationship. ( Interpersonal pg 249) I know that I went through these stages when my friendship started to deteriorate. I think we uses these stages in the beginning as a coping mechanism . I thought if we didn’t discuss the elephant in the room than somehow we be to restore our friendship. It only cause more tension between us. We use theses signs to help us realizes the relationship, is not working.
After you go through this difficult process of ending an relationship or friendship, you should give yourself some time to grieve. I spend a lot of time grieving over the loss of that friendship and not sure what with all the memorabilia I had from the years of friendship. It seems trivial but its difficult to take the pictures you have and cards and others things that remind you of that person and put in box away, for you not have to look at it. I was sad knowing that all the future plans we made weren’t going to happen and that we no longer going to be apart of each other lives. It takes times to reach a level of closure and to come to a level of peace with the losses of that relationship. It been almost a year since the friendship ended and I think I am in better place, but its still very much a process. There are days where it hits me, where I feel the loss of the friendship all over again.
I think my goal is to reach accpentance and peace with the loss. I learn though this experince a great deal about myself and the other people in my life. I learn that with this loss, I strenghten other bonds in my life. There a quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson that concludes it best, “ “For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else.”
1.
Though every experience there is always a choice to be made. You make a decisions on how you face every challenge, the future career you will have or what you are going to wear today. We make these choices because of our wants, our needs and how this might be best for us. We are constantly faced with difficult decisions. We try to make the best choice in every challenge we are faced with.
I recently had to make a difficult decision about childhood friendship. The relationship was no longer a healthy friendship. I held on for a long time thinking that we could regain what we loss along the way. We became different people and I realized that it was time to stop avoiding it and discuss it. There is a quote by Winston Churchill , “ Truth is incontrovertible, malice may attack it and ignorance may deride it, but, in the end, there it is.” I think after we sat down and talked ,that we reached the conclusion that it was time to say goodbye.
There is this scene in a television show, “My So- Called Life, where Angela and Rayanne recently ended their friendship. They are at play practice for “ Our Town, and in the scene they are practicing the main character has died and she realized how precious every moment is and how she took what she had for granted. In this scene Rayanne and Angela are using the play’s dialogue to say goodbye to their friendship. I can relate to how difficult and painful the situation is when you have to say goodbye I think the scene uses indirect communication to get the point across. There is nothing being directly said about Rayanne and Angela relationship. The lines in the play they are practicing are making an indirect perceptive on their relationship. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Lz65pr4_qo)
Twenty-one percent of friendships that have ended was because , you or your friend has changed.( Interpersonal pg,239) When I had this conversation with my friend I used the direct method of communication to end the friendship. It makes your intent obvious about where the communication is leading. Our discussion was open and honest about
our feelings and thoughts regarding our friendship. ( Interpersonal pg, 240) I think that ending any kind of relationship is difficult and I feel that the best approach is the be direct. Some relationship end because we want or need different things or your lives are going in different directions. I ended my friendship because we were not getting what we need from the other. We are constantly taking inventory of our relationship, thinking how we can better the relationship and our communication within that relationship.
In the book,” That was Then this is Now,” by S.E. Hinton is about two foster brothers who are growing up and growing apart . The book discuss how the two boys are making decisions that are pulling them in different directions. The book discusses how the choices we make can separate a relationship. In the book Mark is selling drugs and Bryon morally objects to what he is doing. There is no middle ground for them to reach agreement on, they start to drift apart. They don’t know how to come back to being friends after the change in their relationship has taken place. I think I understand how you can reach a point in your relationship where you are not connecting on the same level anymore. The friendship you had changed and you have reached a point where you cant go back to what once was. This is when you know that terminating the friendship is the best choice.
There are stages you experience that lead up to knowing that the relationship isn’t working. One of the stage is circumscribing which is where the communication is restricted, constrained. The people in the relationship choose to only discuss safe topics, that wont lead into an argument. The next stage is stagnating is where the people in the relationship are going through the motions. The communication has reached a standstill. The next stage is avoiding where people in the relationship will avoid talking to each other or spending time together. The last stage is the termination stage, which marks the end of the relationship. ( Interpersonal pg 249) I know that I went through these stages when my friendship started to deteriorate. I think we uses these stages in the beginning as a coping mechanism . I thought if we didn’t discuss the elephant in the room than somehow we be to restore our friendship. It only cause more tension between us. We use theses signs to help us realizes the relationship, is not working.
After you go through this difficult process of ending an relationship or friendship, you should give yourself some time to grieve. I spend a lot of time grieving over the loss of that friendship and not sure what with all the memorabilia I had from the years of friendship. It seems trivial but its difficult to take the pictures you have and cards and others things that remind you of that person and put in box away, for you not have to look at it. I was sad knowing that all the future plans we made weren’t going to happen and that we no longer going to be apart of each other lives. It takes times to reach a level of closure and to come to a level of peace with the losses of that relationship. It been almost a year since the friendship ended and I think I am in better place, but its still very much a process. There are days where it hits me, where I feel the loss of the friendship all over again.
I think my goal is to reach accpentance and peace with the loss. I learn though this experince a great deal about myself and the other people in my life. I learn that with this loss, I strenghten other bonds in my life. There a quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson that concludes it best, “ “For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else.”
1.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Missing Perspective
" All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them. " Galileo Galilei
When I think of criticism I think of it as unknown truth you have yet discover or accept of yourself. We feel that we are general aware of character flaws and our better points but we are only experiencing our own outward perception. Sometimes we need someone else to point out what we are not seeing. When you receiving criticism you can either deny it’s truth or be open to an unknown factor you were unaware of and try to reach a better understanding of yourself.
When I am criticized I feel uncomfortable. I not one of those people who feels comfortable in confrontations and I feel a wave of relief when its over. The last criticism I gave was to a friend of mine regarding a situation she had asked me advice on . I feel to when I going to criticizing
someone I try to be as constructive and gentle. I think this makes the listener more open and at ease with the criticism you are giving. It never easy to feel like someone is judging you and telling you that you might need to better yourself. We want the person we are criticizing to feel we are only trying to help them.
We each have different listening styles and my listening styles is people oriented. I try to find a common interest and move from there to different topics of conversation. I try to understand the person’s perspective, even when I might not always agree with it . This helps you to be open to different perspectives and a better understanding of the person you are communicating with.
. Our different listening styles can also be linked to our personality types. I think how we listen to others also determines how we want others to hear us.
I think that there are some listening misbehavior that limit and constrict our of communication. These misbehavior are Pseudo listening , monopolizing and selective listening . Pseudo listening is when we pretend to be listening and monopolizing take the focus off the speaker and redirect conversation to themselves. When you are selective listening you only focus on parts of the message. ( Interpersonal pg 140-141) This is something we have all done once or twice, if we realize it or not we lose the message trying to be conveyed. This goes to the how are you going to communicate on a higher level if you refuse to listen to what is being said.
Good listening skills is an important skill to have when working in your future career and when you are in college. This can be linked with the LMX theory , which explains the process of relationships development between superiors and subordinates. (Interpersonal pg 317)
I will use my experience of working in a daycare this summer, as an example.. The atmosphere
of the school was that the employees shared responsibilities and they worked together to help each when things became overwhelming. This can be connected to the LMX theory on how peers in the workplace are usually a support system for each other. It also examines the relationship between superior and subordinates. In using the example of working at the nursery school during the summer , the relationship with my boss was one of dysfunctional superior subordinate relationship. She didn’t give constructive criticism , it was more of her lashing out. Though I tried to establish open communication to better the situation, nothing prevailed.. This made me not want go to work in the morning and created a hostile work environment.
This type of work environment leads us back to Maslow Hierarchy of needs and how this effects what role our jobs full in our lives. What we do as job effects the way we view ourselves and it gives us a source of fulfilment.. What job we have takes up large parts of our life because we are invested in our job it effects our lives. When you have a bad day at work you come home grouchy and when you job is not fulling , you feel restless. A job can be an extension of yourself and when it lacks something we need , we go looking for something else. We want our jobs to give us self actualization and feeling of achievement. We want it to help us define who we are.
When I think of criticism I think of it as unknown truth you have yet discover or accept of yourself. We feel that we are general aware of character flaws and our better points but we are only experiencing our own outward perception. Sometimes we need someone else to point out what we are not seeing. When you receiving criticism you can either deny it’s truth or be open to an unknown factor you were unaware of and try to reach a better understanding of yourself.
When I am criticized I feel uncomfortable. I not one of those people who feels comfortable in confrontations and I feel a wave of relief when its over. The last criticism I gave was to a friend of mine regarding a situation she had asked me advice on . I feel to when I going to criticizing
someone I try to be as constructive and gentle. I think this makes the listener more open and at ease with the criticism you are giving. It never easy to feel like someone is judging you and telling you that you might need to better yourself. We want the person we are criticizing to feel we are only trying to help them.
We each have different listening styles and my listening styles is people oriented. I try to find a common interest and move from there to different topics of conversation. I try to understand the person’s perspective, even when I might not always agree with it . This helps you to be open to different perspectives and a better understanding of the person you are communicating with.
. Our different listening styles can also be linked to our personality types. I think how we listen to others also determines how we want others to hear us.
I think that there are some listening misbehavior that limit and constrict our of communication. These misbehavior are Pseudo listening , monopolizing and selective listening . Pseudo listening is when we pretend to be listening and monopolizing take the focus off the speaker and redirect conversation to themselves. When you are selective listening you only focus on parts of the message. ( Interpersonal pg 140-141) This is something we have all done once or twice, if we realize it or not we lose the message trying to be conveyed. This goes to the how are you going to communicate on a higher level if you refuse to listen to what is being said.
Good listening skills is an important skill to have when working in your future career and when you are in college. This can be linked with the LMX theory , which explains the process of relationships development between superiors and subordinates. (Interpersonal pg 317)
I will use my experience of working in a daycare this summer, as an example.. The atmosphere
of the school was that the employees shared responsibilities and they worked together to help each when things became overwhelming. This can be connected to the LMX theory on how peers in the workplace are usually a support system for each other. It also examines the relationship between superior and subordinates. In using the example of working at the nursery school during the summer , the relationship with my boss was one of dysfunctional superior subordinate relationship. She didn’t give constructive criticism , it was more of her lashing out. Though I tried to establish open communication to better the situation, nothing prevailed.. This made me not want go to work in the morning and created a hostile work environment.
This type of work environment leads us back to Maslow Hierarchy of needs and how this effects what role our jobs full in our lives. What we do as job effects the way we view ourselves and it gives us a source of fulfilment.. What job we have takes up large parts of our life because we are invested in our job it effects our lives. When you have a bad day at work you come home grouchy and when you job is not fulling , you feel restless. A job can be an extension of yourself and when it lacks something we need , we go looking for something else. We want our jobs to give us self actualization and feeling of achievement. We want it to help us define who we are.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
The Tell Tale signs of Truth
" The virtue of all achievement is victory over oneself. Those who know this victory can never know defeat." by A.J. Croin
The challenges we face strengthens our character, teaches us to test our limits and to grow as an individual. This statement is true to almost everyone but for someone with a disability overcoming onself is one of the biggest challenge you will face. I know this type of struggle and victory, for I have a learning disability. When I read the article "Two Worlds Collide" I could relate to some of Jody’s emotions she felt like the frustration . I know that I become very frustrated when I have trouble understanding certain material I’m learning in a class. An example is when I’m in math class and everyone around me understands how to do a problem and I do not. There something about being different and knowing that there is line drawn between you and everyone else. I know throughout my education I struggled to be on the same level as my peers and overcome all the challenges I have faced and continue to face . I think when you have any kind of disabilities you know that there going to be trials and tribulations ahead of you and you might face discrimination along the way.
In article in the New York Times " Learning Disabilities goes to College" , discussed how a women comes to work at Connecticut College in New London in the writing center. She is asked if she can work with students with learning disabilities. Her answer is ‘"But the woman said, ''that's a very good school.'' 'They're very good students,'' replied Mrs. Ammirati, who runs the Writing Center and coordinates the college's services for disabled students." The article demonstrates how learning disabilities are misperceive and what it t means to have a learning disability and how this effects students going to universities ."Stan F. Shaw, director of UConn's Learning Disability College Unit. said 1.2 percent of the nation's college freshmen now identify themselves are having learning disabilities. ''That means that there are more of them out there,'' .
(http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?c=health&res=9C0CE5D61530F935A35756C0A966958260&scp=1&sq=People%20with%20learning%20disabilities%20going%20to%20college&st=cse)
When you view someone different from you , try to put yourself in their place and try understand what is like to be them. This can be linked to Uncertainty Reduction Theory ,
how human communication is used to gain knowledge and create understanding by reducing uncertainty." ( pg 65 Interpersonal Communication) I know from experience that sometimes people are not always understanding of those differences. I think anyone with any type of disability might feel the same way. I have had good and bad experiences when telling teachers about my learning disability. I want to judge on my own merit not what makes me different. When someone lacks a level of understanding it makes communication harder because it creates level of frustration ,. when this occurs a student can use assertive communication to voice their needs or defend their rights. ( pg 343 Interpersonal Communication)
There are many variations of communication and we do this when communicating with different people in our life. We can be very direct and open when we are talking to a someone we are close to. When we are communicating with someone we are on formal level the way we communicate is different than on an informal level. An example of informal communication is a telephone conversation with one of your friends. An example of a formal communication is talking to your boss. (Pg 69 Interpersonal Communication)
The topic you discuss with certain people have to do with how comfortable you are discussing that topic and who are you comfortable discussing it with. I talk about anything and everything with my family and friend This can describe my as my inner self a part of ourselves that we keep more private. ( pg 26 Interpersonal Communication) We discuss, politics, religion, gay marriage, abortion , immigration , health care and current events. I’m less forthcoming with stating my opinion with people I don’t know. I can discuss different topics that I have opinion, but I am less comfortable. This can be describe as my public self, the self I project during social interaction. (Pg 26 Interpersonal Communication) I think it’s hard for you to talk to someone about controversial l issues with some who is your elder. I wouldn’t discuss certain topics with my grandfather, because he might feel that it is inappropriate to discuss these things with me.
I asked my friend Jen , whom I have known since infancy about my verbal and non verbal communication. She told me when I’m nervous I touch my hair. I pull it back or I run my hands through it. When I’m upset I lower the volume of my voice. I don’t use direct eye contact. When I’m angry I ‘m blunt about being angry , I usually cross my arms. When I am talking about a topic I’m passionate about I can be loud and argumentative . I know that every time I talk with my mom about politics we end up yelling at one another. It’s probably because we simply don’t agree with the others political opinions . I become anxious usually when I go on job interviews and when I’m seeing a new doctor. I try to take a few deep breaths and keep myself at an outward calm. I think we are
all poker players and we are using our skill in observation to look beyond the surface to find the truth.
The challenges we face strengthens our character, teaches us to test our limits and to grow as an individual. This statement is true to almost everyone but for someone with a disability overcoming onself is one of the biggest challenge you will face. I know this type of struggle and victory, for I have a learning disability. When I read the article "Two Worlds Collide" I could relate to some of Jody’s emotions she felt like the frustration . I know that I become very frustrated when I have trouble understanding certain material I’m learning in a class. An example is when I’m in math class and everyone around me understands how to do a problem and I do not. There something about being different and knowing that there is line drawn between you and everyone else. I know throughout my education I struggled to be on the same level as my peers and overcome all the challenges I have faced and continue to face . I think when you have any kind of disabilities you know that there going to be trials and tribulations ahead of you and you might face discrimination along the way.
In article in the New York Times " Learning Disabilities goes to College" , discussed how a women comes to work at Connecticut College in New London in the writing center. She is asked if she can work with students with learning disabilities. Her answer is ‘"But the woman said, ''that's a very good school.'' 'They're very good students,'' replied Mrs. Ammirati, who runs the Writing Center and coordinates the college's services for disabled students." The article demonstrates how learning disabilities are misperceive and what it t means to have a learning disability and how this effects students going to universities ."Stan F. Shaw, director of UConn's Learning Disability College Unit. said 1.2 percent of the nation's college freshmen now identify themselves are having learning disabilities. ''That means that there are more of them out there,'' .
(http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?c=health&res=9C0CE5D61530F935A35756C0A966958260&scp=1&sq=People%20with%20learning%20disabilities%20going%20to%20college&st=cse)
When you view someone different from you , try to put yourself in their place and try understand what is like to be them. This can be linked to Uncertainty Reduction Theory ,
how human communication is used to gain knowledge and create understanding by reducing uncertainty." ( pg 65 Interpersonal Communication) I know from experience that sometimes people are not always understanding of those differences. I think anyone with any type of disability might feel the same way. I have had good and bad experiences when telling teachers about my learning disability. I want to judge on my own merit not what makes me different. When someone lacks a level of understanding it makes communication harder because it creates level of frustration ,. when this occurs a student can use assertive communication to voice their needs or defend their rights. ( pg 343 Interpersonal Communication)
There are many variations of communication and we do this when communicating with different people in our life. We can be very direct and open when we are talking to a someone we are close to. When we are communicating with someone we are on formal level the way we communicate is different than on an informal level. An example of informal communication is a telephone conversation with one of your friends. An example of a formal communication is talking to your boss. (Pg 69 Interpersonal Communication)
The topic you discuss with certain people have to do with how comfortable you are discussing that topic and who are you comfortable discussing it with. I talk about anything and everything with my family and friend This can describe my as my inner self a part of ourselves that we keep more private. ( pg 26 Interpersonal Communication) We discuss, politics, religion, gay marriage, abortion , immigration , health care and current events. I’m less forthcoming with stating my opinion with people I don’t know. I can discuss different topics that I have opinion, but I am less comfortable. This can be describe as my public self, the self I project during social interaction. (Pg 26 Interpersonal Communication) I think it’s hard for you to talk to someone about controversial l issues with some who is your elder. I wouldn’t discuss certain topics with my grandfather, because he might feel that it is inappropriate to discuss these things with me.
I asked my friend Jen , whom I have known since infancy about my verbal and non verbal communication. She told me when I’m nervous I touch my hair. I pull it back or I run my hands through it. When I’m upset I lower the volume of my voice. I don’t use direct eye contact. When I’m angry I ‘m blunt about being angry , I usually cross my arms. When I am talking about a topic I’m passionate about I can be loud and argumentative . I know that every time I talk with my mom about politics we end up yelling at one another. It’s probably because we simply don’t agree with the others political opinions . I become anxious usually when I go on job interviews and when I’m seeing a new doctor. I try to take a few deep breaths and keep myself at an outward calm. I think we are
all poker players and we are using our skill in observation to look beyond the surface to find the truth.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
You live You Learn
Siddhartha learned a great deal from the Samanas; he learned many ways of losing the Self. He traveled along the path of self-denial through pain, through voluntary suffering and conquering of pain, through hunger, thirst and fatigue. He traveled the way of self-denial through meditation, through the emptying of the mind through all images. Along these and other paths did he learn to travel. He lost his Self a thousand times and for days on end he dwelt in non-being. But although the paths took him away from Self, in the end they always led back to it. (Siddahartha, Herman, Heese)
I believe that we are continuously losing and rediscovering ourselves, that our life experiences change us in various ways. In many stages of life we are different people, we think , feel and act different through those stages of our life. This a step of knowing who we are. I know that though the years I have changed and grew as a person, the career I thought I wanted ve changed because of this trip I and since then I have continued to travel down that road. Two years ago I was at Rider and I found this flyer advertising about a trip abroad to Jamaica for class credits. I though wow it be cool to see somewhere outside the US and it sounded fun. The trip was life changing for me, I didn’t know it when I signed up. I went with a group of girls group that II never met and It was my first time away from home. So I was more than nervous. What really shocked me the most about Jamaica was the level of poverty. Some of the house were made from scrap metal, there was no hot water no way to wash your clothes, the schools didn’t have books to give the children or supplies, such paper or pencils. When we helped the children at the orphanage do there homework , they could not do half of the worked assigned because they did have the right books to look up the answers. There were only few children that were in 12th grade and were going to finish highschool. The two English teachers that I was put with , let me take over their English classes. When stood up in front of classroom the first time , I was never more scared than I that have ever been in my whole life. I t was one of those moments where I had to challenge myself to get over this fear. One of the many things I learned from this trip was how to continuously challenge myself. After it was all over I really liked thought of helping people , especially children and I decided that I wanted to work in social services and help better children lives. I did internship in the Head Start in Red Bank NJ and this summer I worked in a nursery school. I started on one road that led me to a completely different place from where I started.
In defining who I am, there are many different labels to describe me and one would be I’m a small town girl. I n using Mead’s theory of perception , My I-its are different because I live in a small town. If I walk in to a restaurant when I am home , it’s a common occurrence that the waitress might be a girl I went to highschool with. Then two tables over there might someone who I know through my parents and we have a pleasant exchange of hi, how are you . Another example of this is my last summer job, I worked at a local daycare and a few children that went to that day care , I went to highschool with their parents. The parent of the children I was taking care of would of been labeled I - its were not on that level anymore.
I had a lot of local jobs in town I lived in and I was a cashier in a convenient store and I was an I-it for a lot of the customers, while others customers I knew on basic level. This was because of how the small town I live in. My I- you are my family and the friends I grew up with. My sister is and I - you for me because we are close. The people that I am close to also have effected who I am today, because the people you surround your self with help you grow as a person. There are many different elements of who I’m now that has to with the life experiences ,I have had and the people I’m close to and the people I have met over time. I think even now I have not finished my road to self discover, for my future is indefinite and I don’t know what lies ahead.
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